"The man's face clouded over. This was the last thing
he expected to hear, and he walked off with
a heavy heart. He was holding on tight to
a lot of things, and not about to let go."
Mark 10:22, The Message
I have recently discovered that I am Nicodemus...or the rich young ruler, not sure which one yet. Not literally of course, but I do have the same problem with Jesus that they did. Nicodemus was a devout Jew who wanted to follow Jesus, but found that he also wanted to keep his reputation, his lifestyle and his stuff.
The film series The Chosen illustrates this perfectly. Nicodemus was a Pharisee* who'd spent a lifetime studying Scripture and teaching his people. Teacher of Israel was more than just his job, it was his role in a tight-knit community and ultimately, his identity. When he meets Jesus he's intrigued. Soon he's convinced that this is indeed the Messiah, the hope of Israel, the one he and his fellow Pharisees had read about, prayed and longed for. Yet he is troubled. He correctly sees that following Jesus will likely disrupt his life. Like the rich young ruler (or the average American), he lived in a comfortable home, had enough to eat, nice clothes to wear. He had a respected profession that made a living for his family and gave him status. He had plans and expectations for his life.
The most poignant moment in one episode was when Jesus personally invites Nicodemus to follow Him. Over the course of several scenes, he weighs doing just that. In the film at least, it becomes clear that he does believe and wants to follow, and we grieve with him when it becomes evident that he can't quite let go of his lifestyle. Near the end of that episode we see Nicodemus behind the corner of a nearby house, weeping bitterly as the disciples prepare to set out with Jesus, without him. Belief was not enough to cause him to follow. It was a powerful moment, all the more so because I could see myself in it.
The struggle is real: I have long told Jesus, You have my heart. I did not realize I was subconsciously adding, but don't mess with my status, my rights, my bank account, or my things. I did not know the extent to which I was holding onto MY riches. I am Nicodemus, rich and comfortable, fat with the goods of this world. I am the rich young ruler with a lot to lose if I unreservedly give myself to God. That man desired to more fully live for God; Jesus knew what was holding him back. Jesus told him, "Go, sell all that you have and give the money to the poor. Then all of your treasure will be in heaven. After you've done this, come back and walk with me." (Mark 10:21 TPT) Please understand, Jesus wasn't being mean. He loved that young man. He wasn't condemning wealth or setting up a model for welfare. He was giving him an opportunity to see himself clearly so change could occur. God grant that we all experience that moment of clarity, because we cannot see where we're bound unless He shows us. When we ask for more of God, we can be sure He will show us where we don't have room for Him. And sometimes we too go away sorrowfully, because we aren't willing to give up our riches (whatever they may be).
Many of us have been praying hard for revival for years, leaning into prophetic words given, reminding God of His promise to bring revival. But I'm realizing that my concept of revival is inadequate for the current reality. I have realized that my desire for revival has been wanting Him to revive me without messing with the parts of my life I've reserved for myself. Ouch! But seeing is part of the remedy, it is when we truly know and confess our need that He comes and fills it. Our need makes us candidates for God's help, and do we ever need God's help.
We need revival that breaks the yoke, expels demons, draws the lost and the prodigal. We need revival that empties jails, closes bars and transforms society as well as people. We need revival that prepares the church for the second coming of Jesus. Exciting meetings and a bit of refreshing are simply not enough, transformation is what is needed. Transformation begins when the church sees herself and mourns. It begins with repentance.
This is a Nicodemus moment. The body of Christ is being invited to see that we are not rich, we are wretched, miserable, poor, blind and naked. Jesus already knows this. He isn't angry. He isn't demanding we get our act together. He is tenderly calling His beloved Bride to mourn over her lack, confess her emptiness, and ask for a baptism of fire. Empty of ourselves and leaning on Him, that is how we follow. That is the only way we can follow. He asks us to empty our hands, take in His presence until we are overflowing, then rise and go forth to do exploits.
We dare not wait to see what happens in November, as if politicians are bringing the Kingdom. God is shaking the kingdoms of the earth now, tumbling support systems, exposing fault lines...not because He's mad, but because He loves us so. It is His kindness that strips away those things we've relied upon, exposing our idols--not to shame us, but to prepare us. For revival is coming...the sort that will shake the earth, display the power and glory of God, disturb those in authority and terrify demons. Revival that propels workers into the harvest field with the gospel of the Kingdom, signs and wonders following. Do we really think that comes to a church settled on her lees? Comfortable in her normal? Content with old wineskins? Beloved, we are destined for so much more, but we will not get there by pulling up our bootstraps and trying harder. We will only overcome by leaning fully on Jesus.
So I confess my weak and partial 'yes' and rejoice. My weakness qualifies me, for He chooses the weak things, the foolish things, the lowly things to more fully show forth His glory. I choose Him and want to keep choosing Him. I want to see His beauty, feel His presence, witness the glory of His coming kingdom. I want blind eyes to see, prayer meetings that provoke earthquakes, the lost saved, prodigals returned, to hear demons shriek as they leave. I want to see a Bride, heart fervent, abandoning all for the joy of knowing Him and making Him known. To be filled like that, I must first be emptied of my way. I see the example of Nicodemus and the rich young ruler and confess I am just like them. Rather than turn away, I want to be among those who are His no matter the cost, so I say yes, even knowing it is incomplete.
The best thing we could learn in this crazy season is that we cannot go forward without complete dependence on God. My strength, my resources, my will, my social standing are nothing weighed against Jesus. Hah! Less than nothing! My hope and expectation are in Him. I am His, therefore He will not only rescue, He will keep and sustain me. My confidence is not in my commitment, it is anchored deep in my faithful King. He will lead me if I will follow. If I keep my gaze on Him, He will baptize me with His fire again and again, until my heart is no longer divided...until I am fully His. Maranatha!
I don't want to be offended when it's all coming down.
Baptize my heart with your fire, desire
Once again you're going to shake everything that can be shaken
Jesus, Desire of the Nations,
The only safe place is in the center of the flame
The only safe place is in You
Baptize my heart with your fire, desire.
I want to be for you, not against you.
I want to be with you where you are.
I pledge my allegiance to Jesus
I pledge my allegiance to the Lamb
Misty Edwards, "Baptize my Heart"
*The Pharisees were the devout religious of their day. They believed and studied the Word of God, they attempted holy living, they ran worship services for the faithful. Of all the first century Jewish sects, their theology was closest to what Jesus taught. Jesus rebuked their hypocrisy, not their devotion to the Word of God.
